W.A.S.P: The Last Command

Hi everybody...

This is Jamin. I wanted to let everybody know that I'm going to be attending a blogger's convention in Peoria this week...While I'm away, my cousin Jimmy Camaro is going to be taking over the blog, reviewing a few fine selections from his personal music collection...So without further ado, here's Jimmy...

(Jimmy Camaro: World-renowned writer and shiv enthusiast, )

W.A.S.P: The Last Command

1985

Capital Records

Format I Own it on: Vinyl

Track Listing:  1. Wild Child  2. Ballcrusher  3. Fistful of Diamonds  4. Jack Action  5. Widowmaker  6. Blind in Texas  7. Cries in the Night  8. The Last Command  9. Running Wild in the Streets  10. Sex Drive


Is this thing on?

Hey, this is Jimmy. My faggy, fifteenth cuz-int on my uncle's side asked me to write some shit about some records I liked, so I went with "The Last Command" by W.A.S.P. This record always reminds me of my senior year. Smokin' dope in shop class, fuckin' Lisa Rogers in the Custodian's closet and telling Mr. Rice to fuck off! There's no ballads or pussy non-electric guitars here. Nope, Blackie Wallace didn't do that shit. He was all about pussy and killing people and shit.

  I'll always remember driving around in the summer of '85 in my '82 Trans Am (remember that show "Knight Rider"? The producer of that show ripped off my car to use in that series. And as usual, I didn't receive a royalty check). I'd cruise around with Jeff,  Rat, the Fag and Beard-of-Sores and we'd blast this cassette. I'll never forget the night we all stopped to pick up Karen McKinley, who had the biggest titties in 12th grade.

 She was fine, man. They don't make girls like that anymore. I swear, back in my day, girls had bigger hooters. Anyway, there would always be the big Friday Night Esmond Road Cruise, where all the kids polished up their hot-rods and paraded up and down the city streets.  All us cool kids would just drink Schlitz, check out girls and blast "Wild Child" by W.A.S.P.  It was one of those nights that I got to motorboat Karen's gazongas for the first time. And I'm proud to say, 25 years later I'm still motorboatin' them funbags. Yup, Karen accepting my proposal at the '88 Iosco County Mud Bog and we've stayed married to this very day.  She's blessed me with 7 wonderful children and they all love W.A.S.P, just like their old man.

Outside of Hagar, I don't think I've seen a band in concert as many times as I have W.A.S.P.  I've seen them once in 1986 at the Pontiac Palace,  three times at Art Door Arena in the early 90's, 182 times at the Ogema County Fair in the 2000's (where I got to eat an elephant ear with Chris Holmes, true story) and 365 times at the Spending Eagle Casino (where they've been doing a year-long residency).  The best show they ever did however was at the "Metal on the High Seas" Cruise Ship Getaway (to which Karen and I had tickets, heh heh...) where they played, you guessed it, "The Last Command" in its entirety! Greatest show I've seen in my entire life. When the band finished with "Sex Drive" there wasn't a clothed boob in the house. Everybody went nuts! It felt like I was back in 1985 again, cruising Esmond Road: Mirror shades on, Jordache tight, cuffs rolled, the collar on my jean jacket popped, soft pack of Newports rolled up in my T-shirt sleeve. Not a care in the world.

They don't make music like this anymore. Now all they have is this hip-hop shit, where they do nothin' but talk about "Ho's" and killing each other with guns. It's disgusting! Whatever happened to songs about fine young things?! Songs about killing each other with chainsaws?!?! Ever since we elected Obummer in the White House, the whole country's gone  to hell! Oh, well. I have my bunker packed with cans of split pea soup and enough firearms to fight off radioactive mutants for the next quarter-century!

 Yea, we'll see how big a joke you libs think I am then! You'll be begging me to get into my fortified concrete compound and I'll just sit back laughin'. You guys voted for him. I'll be motorboatin' my wife's big cans and listening to W.A.S.P. sing "Ballbuster" on the hi-fi like nothin' ever happened...

Oh yea, before I got all hopped up on politics (hope y'all learned somethin'), I meant to go back to the shop class thing. In my 12th grade, I got my first ever "A+." And how did I get that A+? For my final project, I carved "The Gods you worship are Steel, at the altar of rock n' roll you kneel" on a wooden paddle and lacquered it. I started it on the first day of class and 162 hours and two fingers later, it was completed. Mr. Reed loved it so much he gave me the highest grade possible.  Heh, heh (puts hands behind back contentedly and leans back in LA-Z Boy). Thanks, Blackie. Without you, I wouldn't be where I am today. And that's sincere.

-Love, Jimmy MF'ing Camaro...