Quiet Riot: Metal Health
1983
Pasha Records
Format I Own it on: Vinyl
Track Listing: 1. Metal Health (Bang Your Head) 2. Cum on Feel the Noize 3. Don't Wanna Let You Go 4. Slick Black Cadillac 5. Love's a Bitch 6. Breathless 7. Run for Cover 8. Battle Axe 9. Let's Get Crazy 10. Thunderbird
I remember it must have been right before I started 10th grade. My old man got us hooked up to cable and I spent the summer of '83 stroking off to the Spice Channel...
See, this was before the internet and online porn. Back then, if you wanted to see a chick bone a dog, you had to pay Sharon Bundt 10 bucks. You might get lucky and find your Dad's secret stash of Juggs magazine, but that was rare. So the adult channels on the cable-box were a big deal. Anyway, in between spanks, I'd wait for my balls to refill while flipping through the other channels. One day, I ran across a new station called MTV and they were playing some video by a band called Quiet Riot.
As soon as I heard "Mad (Drive You (Metal Health Will( Bang Your Head))))" I knew I had to drive to the Woolworth's immediately and buy me a copy. The album soon became the soundtrack to the Summer of '83. I'm telling you, there wasn't a Trans Am that wasn't booming "Cum on Feel the Noize." Which I think was a cover song by Slayer or somebody. I don't know, I'm not normally into that Devil stuff. (I know we have freedom of religion in America, but that doesn't mean Satanism. It means you can be any kind of Christian that you like. i.e: Catholic, Protestant, etc. They didn't have to specify that, because people weren't so stupid back then. America won't be around in another 10 years anyway. Especially if Hillary is elected. Remember 7 years ago when I warned y'all on facebook what would happen if we elected Obozo into the White House? Does plague of locusts and America falling under Shiara Law ring any bells? Well, look out your window and tell me what you see? Yup, seems old Jimmy was right again. Have fun getting stoned by Mooslims. I'll be safe in my bunker getting stoned on Schlitz.)
Hey! I used to have the same jacket as the guy on the cover! I loved the metal-face guy so much that I built a sculpture of him out of Bond-O and put it on the hood of my '82. But the sculpture kept crumbling whenever I'd hit 110mph on M-65.
I have "Metal Health" on vinyl, but I don't know why. CD's are so much better. Crystal clear digital sound, man. That's all I'm saying. The only way I've gotten my vinyl to sound good is by suspending my record player from the ceiling using a couple of non-conducting vibranium cables. Otherwise, the turntable picks up all kinds of vibrations, distorting the signal.
The only thing I don't like about the album is the label on the record, which shows a man's ass. I am not cool with that. If I wanted to look at a man's ass, I'd buy a record by Manassas! I ended up scraping the label off with a razorblade so people wouldn't think I was a faig. The album sounds much better without it.
And I'm proud to say this album helped my decision to go into the field of metal health, where I've worked for the past 15 years. I've helped all kinds of metal patients (everyone from re-re's to total nutjobs) get the medicine and help they so desperately need. Whenever I see one of my patients on TV and the watch the judge reject their plea of "insanity," it really makes all the sweat, hard work and long hours worth it.
As for Quiet Riot, they put out a couple more albums after this but they all sucked. Then in 2000-something, vocalist Kevin DuBrow tragically passed away. Rest in Peace, buddy. I know you're up there in Heaven, doin' lines with Jimi and motorboatin' Janis Joplin.
Love, Jimmy MF-ing Camaro (Conservative Facebooker and motorboat enthusiast).
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