Descendents: Milo Goes to College
1982
SST Records
Format I Own it on: Compact Disc
Track Listing: 1. Myage 2. I Wanna Be a Bear 3. I'm Not a Loser 4. Parents 5. Tonyage 6. M 16 7. I'm Not a Punk 8. Catalina 9. Suburban Home 10. Statue of Liberty 11. Kabuki Girl 12. Marriage 13. Hope 14. Bikeage 15. Jean Is Dead
This is it. The greatest pop-punk album ever made...If you were to make a completely honest list of the 10 greatest pop-punk songs of all time, at least 8 of them would come from this album...I'm telling you, the finest melodicists of the 1980's were a scruffy hardcore band...
I should probably clarify when I say "pop-punk" that I'm not talking about sanitized mall-punk that sounds like N-Sync with some highly-polished, processed guitar in the background..
(ahem...These guys...)
This is the real stuff...Buzzsaw guitars, surf beats, and raw emotional singing....The only thing polished here are the hooks, and boy, are there a lot of them...The run of tracks from "Marriage" through "Jean is Dead" is one of the most phenomenal sequences I can think of...Is Jean the girl Milo was singing about in "Bikeage"? Does she die at the end? Did they sell their souls to the devil to get all these catchy choruses?
This album also functions as a warts and all glimpse into the maladjusted jungles of the teenage mind, complete with "You'll be sorry then..." fantasies ("Hope"), homophobic slurs ("I'm Not a Loser") and rampant misogyny ("I Wanna Be a Bear," "Catalina"). They seem to split their time disparaging women and idealizing them...Like they don't know what to feel and yet they're feeling it very intensely..
I feel like going on and on about this album is a huge waste of time...Everybody already knows how great it is and describing perfection is pretty futile...You pretty much have to hear it to understand it...If you have any interest whatsoever in punk, just pick it up if you don't have it...
Here's "Bikeage" by the Descendents...Enjoy...
Descendents: I Don't Want to Grow Up
1985
SST Records
Format I Own it on: Vinyl and Compact Disc
Track Listing: 1. Descendents 2. I Don't Want to Grow Up 3. Pervert 4. Rockstar 5. No FB 6. Can't Go Back 7. GCF 8. My World 9. Theme 10. Silly Girl 11. In Love This Way 12. Christmas Vacation 13. Good Good Things 14. Ace
Frank Navetta is out, replaced by new guitarist Ray Cooper, who has a more Heavy Metal style...
This is a pretty interesting album, featuring two distinct sides...Side one is Heavier, faster, and nastier...It kicks off with their theme song, which appears to be a parody of Heavy Metal, complete with an Ian Gillan banshee wail...
"We're the proud the fewDescendents pickin' our butts tonight..."
I believe that says it all...
We also have the micro-hardcore blasts "No FB" and "Rockstar," a couple of lusting hard rock tracks ("Pervert" and "GCF") upbeat pop-punk (the title track, "Can't Go Back" and the instrumental "Theme") and one dark take on their normal pop-punk sound on "My World."
I can still remember my first listen to this...Lifting the needle from side one and wondering, "Wait? Where are all the great melodies? The "Milo Goes to College" level songwriting?" Well, they're all on Side Two...Every single track on the album's latter half is a winner...From the shockingly ebullient "In Love This Way," to "Silly Girl" and "Good Good Things" which are slightly more metallic than their usual pop songs....My personal favorite is the beautiful "Christmas Vacation," which lyrically is very similar to "Bikeage" or "Jean is Dead"...It appears to be a retelling of that story...Kind of an update of all those old "Dead Boyfriend" songs from the early 60's...All sugary melodies and teenage tragedy...
Of course it's not as good as "Milo Goes to College," they lucked out that first go-around, but I'd say Side Two is damn close...If you value hardcore punk and sweet hooks, I think you'll find a lot to like here...
Here's "Christmas Vacation" by the Descendents...
Descendents: Enjoy!
1986
SST Records
Format I Own it on: Compact Disc
Track Listing: 1. Enjoy 2. Wendy 3. Kids 4. Hürtin' Crüe 5. Sour Grapes 6. Get the Time 7.Orgofart 8. Cheer 9. 80's Girl 10. Green 11. Days Are Blood 12. Orgo 51
Remember that scene in "Idiocracy" where they go to the theater to watch a movie that's nothing but a picture of an ass farting?
Well, "Enjoy" could be considered the Original Motion Picture Soundtrack to that film...This album has more farts than a CGI kids movie...
There are literally two tracks that are dedicated to recorded farts...The title track is at least kind enough to give us some background music, but "Orgofart" is nothing but two minutes of unaccompanied flatulence...For this track I suggest dropping the six grand on a set of Abyss AB-1266 headphones to capture every nuance of the farts...
It almost sounds as if the band is actually farting in the same room as you...
Although if you cut out everything fart-related, this is actually a pretty good album full of fantastic pop-punk...Their cover of "Wendy" by the Beach Boys is a major high point. "Cheer" and "Get the Time" displays their mastery of catchy pop. To vary things up there's a few tracks ("Days of Blood" "Green") that show that Bill Stevenson's time in Black Flag was beginning to rub off on the Descendents and they toss in "Kids" which is a fun throwback to the "Fat" EP days...We also have the thrash metaller "Hürtin' Crüe," which I've always loved...I used to wonder what the whole "1420" section was all about...I pondered it and pondered it and couldn't come up with nothin', until one day somebody invented Google and I ran across this explanation on the Descendents website...
I think the band's misogynist lyrics reach their disgusting peak on this album with "80's Girl" and "Sour Grapes." God help me for loving this song so much, but it's true...It's an amazing track, but those lyrics are something else...Basically Milo heaps verbal abuse on some poor girl because she won't fuck him..."In high school, Milo's friend Roger scored 1420 on the SAT, which meant that he got in to West Point. So, he walked around school all day, gloating and singing this song that he made up that went something like:"1420 - I am better than you - You are a piece of poo - I am better than you - You are a piece of poo - 1420" Milo later inserted this song into "Hürtin Crüe"
"I wanted her cherry,
I got...SOUR GWAPES!!!"
I can't help it...This song cracks me up...For some reason I hear the "r" in grapes as a "W." I may or may not be imagining this...It's hard to tell...
(Oh yea, side note...Don't get too excited about all the fake song titles on the back cover and think, "Woah! A bunch of songs not on 'Somery'!" They're fake titles...)
Excise all the farting and you have another solid addition to the Descendents discography....Oh, did you know the band made a video for "Kids"? I didn't! You even get to see the Nuclear Tits that Milo sings about...
Check out "Kids" by the Descendents...I queefed...Enjoy....
Descendents: All
1987
SST Records
Format I Own it on: Compact Disc
Track Listing: 1. All 2. Coolidge 3. No, All! 4. Van 5. Cameage 6. Impressions 7. Iceman 8. Jealous of the World 9. Clean Sheets 10. Pep Talk 11. All-O-Gistics 12. Schizophrenia 13. Uranus
With the addition of guitarist Stephen Egerton and bassist Karl Alvarez, the long-running ALL line-up is in place...This is also the album where the band unleashes the new-age concept of "ALL" (the basic tenants of this new religion are outlined on the track "All-O-Gistics). The band fully embraces the late-era Black Flag jazz-punk sound, so fans of "Loose Nut" and "In My Head" will feel right at home...My favorite song in this particular category would have to be the cool thrash of "Iceman," which I think is based on the 1984 caveman film...
No, wait...I think it's about Eugene O' Neill's famous play "The Iceman Cometh" which outlines the origin of the titular Marvel Superhero...
Of course, there's still plenty of pop-inspired punk like "Coolidge," "Cameage,""Clean Sheets" and my personal favorite, "Pep Talk." This new line-up gives the pop material a much smoother, polished sheen, although the production is still a little sparse and rough.
In the WTF category we have the Milo-penned "Impressions" where the band tries their hand at...medieval acoustic balladry?!?!?! To call it "turgid" would be an understatement, but you can't fault their ambition...Definitely the band's weirdest moment...
Milo left the group shortly after this album...The band renamed themselves ALL and replaced Milo with various other vocalists over the years...At one point in time I owned every single ALL album, but nowadays I only have one ("Percolator" which I wrote a post on back in the early days of the blog)...ALL will always stand in the long shadow of the Descendents, but I think the band put out some great albums...Especially the Dave Smalley and Chad Price stuff....
Let's check out "Pep Talk" by the Descendents...Enjoy...
Descendents:Liveage!
1987
SST Records
Format I Own it on: Vinyl
Track Listing: 1. All 2. I'm Not a Loser 3. Silly Girl 4. I Wanna Be a Bear 5. Coolidge 6. Weinerschnitzel 7. I Don't Want to Grow Up 8. Kids 9. Wendy 10. Get the Time 11. Descendents 12. All-O-Gistics 13. Myage 14. My Dad Sucks 15. Van 16. Suburban Home 17. Hope 18. Clean Sheets
Before Milo left the Descendents, the band did a farewell tour and released a couple of live albums compiled from these shows...For a live punk record, this sounds great, so no complaints here...The set list is pretty stellar too, touching on nearly all of the band's "greatest hits" (compare this set-list to the tracks featured on the 1991 compilation "Somery." It's nearly identical)...
The band plays everything in the exact same style they used on the studio versions, so there's no big surprises here...Just stellar pop-punk tune after stellar pop-punk tune, with "All-O-Gistics" and "Van" the only oddball selections...The only thing differentiating these takes are Milo's deadpan delivery which I'd categorize as "affected boredom."
Highpoint: Milo's angst-filled impromptu rant during "Van" where he shouts, "IT STINKS! IT STINKS! IT' DIRTY! IT'S SMELLY! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! IT'S MY....(wistfully) home...."
The vinyl version I now own varies from the CD I grew up with...It's lacking two tracks...I can live without "Pervert" but the album really loses something without "Sour Grapes"! I don't understand why these two tracks weren't included, since the albums short running time (33 minutes) would have easily allowed for the 6 minutes those tracks would have added...
Oh well, this is a classic live punk album...They play it a bit safe, but they would remedy that a little later...
Descendents: Hallraker: Live!
1989
SST Records
Format I Own it on: Compact Disc
Track Listing: 1. Global Probing 2. My World 3. Hürtin' Crüe 4. Hey Hey 5. Kabuki Girl / All 6. Pep Talk 7. Jealous of the World 8. Christmas Vacation 9. I Like Food 10. Iceman 11. Good Good Things 12. Cheer 13. Rockstar 14. No FB 15. Cameage
Yes! Now this is the great Descendents live album, in my opinion...Recorded during the same farewell shows that "Liveage!" was drawn from, but this digs much deeper into the band's catalog for a surprising set-list...
A lot of my favorites pop tunes are here, like "Christmas Vacation," "Pep Talk,""Cameage" and "Cheer." Plus the band delves into their more odd-angled metal material ("Iceman," "Jealous of the World," "Hurtin' Crüe"). Highpoint:Milo getting all PC on us and reminding the audience that the Iceman isn't necessarily an Iceman, but could just as easily be an Icewoman...In some odd way, this feels like progress...
The liner notes by Bill Stevenson are also entertaining and informative...We finally get the recipe for the Bonus Cup, which turns out to be:
1/3 cup instant coffee grounds
hot water
5 spoons of sugar
I was thinking of maybe trying out the recipe, but I don't think it's wise to court diabetes at this advanced age...
Anyway, the perfect live album for us die-hard Descendents fans but I can picture this alienating newcomers, so don't start here but don't overlook it either....
Let's check out "Cameage" by the Descendents...
Descendents:Somery
1991
SST Records
Format I Own it on: Compact Disc
Track Listing: 1. All 2. My Dad Sucks 3. Suburban Home 4. Silly Girl 5. Kids 6. Clean Sheets 7. Sour Grapes 8. Weinerschnitzel 9. Myage 10. Good Good Things 11. Van 12. Bikeage 13. Enjoy 14. Theme 15. Coolidge 16. I Like Food 17. I Wanna Be a Bear 18. I Don't Want to Grow Up 19. Cheer 20. Pervert 21. Hope 22. All-O-Gistics 23. I'm Not a Loser 24. Get the Time 25. Hürtin' Crüe 26. Cameage 27. Descendents 28. No, All!
A near-perfect greatest hits compilation...When you put all these great tracks in one place it really hits home how amazing these guys were...I would have dropped off "Enjoy" and added either "Wendy," "Christmas Vacation," "Marriage," "Jean is Dead," "I'm Not a Punk," "In Love This Way" or "Pep Talk" instead... Honestly, with the addition of these tracks I could easily have recommended this in place of the band's entire discography....So I can understand why they didn't quite give away the farm on this one...Still, I think most folks would be just fine owning "Somery" and "Milo Goes to College"...
Here's "Hope" by the Descendents...
Descendents: Everything Sucks
1996
Epitaph Records
Format I Own it on: Compact Disc
Track Listing: 1. Everything Sux 2. I'm the One 3. Coffee Mug 4. Rotting Out 5. Sick-O-Me 6. Caught 7. When I Get Old 8. Doghouse 9. She Loves Me 10. Hateful Notebook 11. We 12. Eunuch Boy 13. This Place 14. I Won't Let Me 15. Thank You 16. Grand Theme (Hidden Track)
It was 1996 and punk had finally hit it big in the US, and lots of previously dead and buried punk bands suddenly started to come out of the woodwork...One of the most welcome of these resurrections was the triumphant return of Milo Aukerman and a new Descendents album, since they were one of the biggest influences on all these young new bands residing at the top of the charts...
"Everything Sucks" didn't exactly shoot up to #1 (although I'm betting #132 was probably their highest entry at this point), but us punk kids couldn't have been more psyched...And the album was actually pretty good! I'd go as far as to say this is probably their most consistent album, since there's zero jazz-metal, no hair metal parodies, no medieval acoustic music...They focused squarely on the pop-punk for once and if there's no song on here that reaches the heights of past glories like "Hope" or "Suburban Home," there's also nothing that approaches the depths of "Orgofart" or "Impressions"...
Not surprisingly, this sounds exactly like an ALL album, with Milo sounding almost indistinguishable from Chad Price (who provides the album's backing vocals) at times...Although this shouldn't come as a big surprise, since this is only ALL with Milo on vocals, so you get the same mid-tempo pop-rock with that spongy double-timed bass guitar...Although there are a few tracks where other former Descendents members, Tony Lombardo and Frank Navetta do make an appearance...
Highlights include "Coffee Mug" which is the most Descendents-like track on here...A 30 second hardcore rant covering one of the band's favorite subjects, this feels like the lost half-minute from "Kids." And who could forget "I'm the One," which I remember as being the pop-punk jam of '96...Sure, it's a rewrite of "Hope" (which everybody had managed to agree upon as being the band's definitive moment during their long absence) but I think it manages to be a great song in its own right...
Another popular single from the album was "When I Get Old" which is a punk version of the Beach Boys "When I Grow Up (To Be a Man)." This song has lots of great imagery of an elderly Milo hating cops and grabbing his girlfriend's wrinkled ass...
Sure, there's a few duds like the lyrically retarded "Doghouse," and the just plain forgettable "Caught," or "This Place"...I'm giving "Eunuch Boy" a pass since it was an old pre-"Milo Goes to College" track that the band recorded for nostalgia's sake...
Overall this is an enjoyable record, especially for fans of ALL...Punkers with their heads stuck in the 80's might find it a little soft, but fuck those guys...The band put out an EP and another album after this, but I don't own those, so if I run across copies of them, I'll write up a post for a future date...Right now I'm tired of writing about the Descendents...Let's watch the video for "I'm the One"...Enjoy...
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