Dead Milkmen: Beelzebubba
1988
Enigma Records
Format I Own it on: Compact Disc
Track Listing: 1. Brat in the Frat 2. Rc's Mom 3. Stuart 4. I Walk the Thinnest Line 5. Sri Lanka Sex Hotel 6. Bad Party 7. Punk Rock Girl 8. Bleach Boys 9. My Many Smells 10. Smokin' Banana Peels 11. The Guitar Song 12. Born to Love Volcanos 13. Everybody's Got Nice Stuff But Me 14. I Against Osbourne 15. Howard Beware 16. Ringo Buys a Rifle 17. Life Is Shit
Is it just me or has NSFNET been running slow lately?
Sorry I haven't posted lately, Mrs. Kay forced us to write a two-page essay on the history of the United States!! TWO WHOLE PAGES?!?!?! ! Totally impossible! What's there to say?!?! Christopher Columbus drove his dumb boats here, had Thanksgiving with the Indians and then they threw ice tea into the ocean or something...
It's a big waste of tea if you ask me? Why didn't they just send it all to me? I would have drank it! Oh yea, then Neil Armstrong was the first guy to do the moonwalk, which means everything you know about Michael Jackson is wrong...So that's two whole sentences...Only about 400 more to go!
On the plus side I almost got the courage to ask out Sandy Harris today...I wrote her a note but was too afraid to give it to her...Wow, I just thought of something! What if I was walking through town and I noticed some smoke and it turned out her house was on fire and I went and rescued her! I bet she'd have to go out with me then!
I wonder where I can find some matches...Anyway, I went to Camelot Music today and picked up the latest Dead Milkmen CD...
...and I've got to say...It was totally worth the $18.99 I paid for it! I love this new compact laser disc technology...The sound is so thin and crystal clear...And it's liberating to throw all those dusty old outdated records into the trash...
So long Barry Manilow, ya big Broadway swell...
(tosses into garbage disposal)
CRSSHKKKRRRKKRRR!!!!!!
Farewell Beatles butcher cover!!!! Ya buncha old hippies!!!!
(tosses into wood chipper) GRAWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!
I only like new music...And my favorite of the new 80's bands is Philadelphia's own Dead Milkmen, and as evidenced by their smash hit "Punk Rock Girl," I believe 1988 is going to be their year!
Sure, Milli Vanilli may get all the Grammys, but us real music fans know that the Dead Milkmen are the ones putting out all the great pop music these days...
What's next? The Dead Milkmen playing Madison Square Garden with the Escape Club and Terence Trent D'arby opening for them? Will expensive champagne and supermodel girlfriends dull their once razor-sharp wit? Who knows...Only time will tell...The only certainty in life is Burrow Owlz!!
(I wonder who Rick and Scott are?)
The band really widens their palette here...Exotic instruments like violins, horn section and accordions pop up like boners at a blackboard. There are so many highlights here it's ridiculous... The neo-psychedlia of "Smokin' Banana Peels," the stirring six-string anthem, "The Guitar Song," but the big winner for me has to be "Life is Shit" which is magnificently bummed-out (and hilarious) gospel:
"And when my friend and I were done,
we went to rest upon the sun,
'cause life takes from us the things, we love
and robs us of the special ones,
and puts them where where we can't climb
and we only miss them all the time..."
Are the Dead Milkmen going maudlin on us? Nahhh, they're just smart enough to know that the only sane response when faced with life's crushing disappointments is a great big laugh in death's bony face...I can just picture myself when I'm 37 years old, washed-up, hanging out in a dive bar in Tempe, AZ, playing this endlessly on the jukebox on a Sunday afternoon...But that's still many years a way...Sigh...
And I don't have to tell you how great "Punk Rock Girl" is...Go ahead...Turn on MTV...Check out 120 minutes...
I bet you'll see Dave Kendell wearing every rock band's T-shirt at once and introducing the video right now...And boy is it the most simple, perfect pop-song ever...You hear the first line and it's like the song has been deeply ingrained in your marrow like some ancient nursery rhyme you never remember learning...And that botched guitar solo is a damn stroke of genius...What?!! No Mom, I'm not swearing! No! No! I don't want to eat any soap!
Especially not those fancy ones in the Avon basket sitting on the back of the toilet that look like little nut sacks, har har...NOOOO!!!!
*GLUB* GLUB*
Yuck! Why does soap taste hot?!?! I'm so steamed at my parents I'm going to dress all in black and listen to rotten-corpse metal...I bet that'll scare 'em...
Yes! "The Rottening" by Cryptic Scribble! I'm going to turn this up to 11 on my portable boom-box you bought me for Christmas!
(Through tiny, tinny speakers: "GLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRG!!!!")
What? Yea, I'll turn it down...Sheesh...
(real quietly now: "gloooooooooooorg....")
Geez, guys, I think I'm in a lot of trouble...You might wanna go home...Here's "Life Is Shit" by the Dead Milken...Enjoy....
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